A few days later I had made the trek down to D.C. to renew my BLS with my favorite instructor and to grab coffee with one friend and lunch with another. I left about 2:30 pm expecting to meet my mom to shop at Sam's Club (I had recovered from the grocery store and thought it best to conquer Sam's Club with someone else). I eventually had to call my mom saying that I was going to be late because of traffic. How could I have possibly forgotten about Baltimore-DC traffic? It was dreadful. When my mom suggested I just meet her at the grocery store, I emphatically said no. I got home about 2 hours later and it was all I could do to not climb in bed I was so exhausted and overwhelmed. It was strange. I was perfectly fine doing certain activities, but then out of nowhere I'd be overwhelmed by something absolutely ridiculous and literally just want to crawl in bed.
Amazingly enough, when I started working again in a US ICU, I wasn't overwhelmed. I'm temporarily working at Johns Hopkins and while it took a few days to get back into the rhythm and nail down my time management again, that's nothing extraordinary. Most of that relies on simply learning the workflow of the unit and that's nothing new to me having done travel nursing since 2013. My entire perspective has changed. A staff nurse from another unit asked if we had a very specific type of supplies and I suggested just jerry-rigging something. Here I thought I was being resourceful so that the nurse wouldn't need to discard a perfectly useable piece of supplies. Apparently jerry-rigging is frowned upon here. I watch staff nurses throw away perfectly good linen because it's soiled... or they aren't in the mood to separate the pads from actual linen. I hesitate to write this because I know Julie will read it and freak out. Lack of linen (or really anything) was a constant issue in Internal Medicine at CHUB.
I think I'm still trying to process everything. I miss so many things about Rwanda and then I don't miss it at the same time. It is a relief to be home but sometimes I feel out of place. I am living in my hometown for the first time in eight years and it's become a stranger to me. I frequently wonder if I can I even call Baltimore home anymore. Then a long 'O' slips out of my mouth and I realize that you might be able to take the girl out of Baltimore, but you can never take Baltimore out of the girl no matter where in the world she is. When something happens I want to turn around and tell Julie and Vanessa and Steph and Stacey and Melody and Tiff and Emily... they have become the voices in my head (in the non-psychotic way of course) but they are hundreds, if not thousands of miles away. Not to say I don't enjoy being able to visit my friends here and pick up the phone and call them. I missed them dearly and I'm glad to be back to meet all the children born since I went away. I am glad to have the simplicity of my parent's home to escape to and I absolutely will not complain about extremely fast internet and Netflix. But I've hardly picked up a book to read in the two months I've been home.
I don't know where I'm going to end up, or what I'm going to do with my life, but I suppose it will all work out. I've decided that if my brother is still figuring out what his next move in life will be at the age of 49, I'm doing pretty well for 30. I do still get the, "you need to settle down" lectures and the "you're still single?" looks of horror sometimes, but I don't mind. If anything, I am more and more confident with who I am each day and what I want... it just might take me a little longer to get there.
This is the point where I tell you all this is it. No more blogging from me... at least not until the next adventure. I want to thank you for reading. Apparently I've had readers from all over the world exploring my life in Rwanda. I never thought someone from Germany, Ukraine, or Thailand would find this interesting, but apparently they have. I also want to thank my family and friends for all the love and support during my time abroad. It was a rough year for many reasons, some expressed through this blog but many not. However, it was also a fantastic year and I really couldn't have done it without you all. Big thanks to everyone who spent the cash on sending me some pretty awesome care packages and cards. The goodies have not been forgotten. Thank you.
Final Lesson Learned:
1) Experiences are worth everything. They will shape you and become a part of you forever. If ever given the opportunity between saying yes and no, say yes. You will never regret saying yes.
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"Somebody told me don't stare at horizons unless you are ready to run."
~Michael Franti~
