One of the hardest things I have learned in my time in Rwanda is that life doesn't stop just because you decide to move halfway around the world. Living on the west coast was one thing... living on a different continent is something else completely.
The other week one of my dearest friends in the world iMessaged me a photo of her growing baby belly. I love getting these updates and hearing from her, but it in a weird way hurts. It's a constant reminder that because I took this job I am not in my friends lives as I use to be. Since I left in August three of my friends have given birth (one to her second child and two to their first), one announced she was pregnant with her first and will give birth before I return, another friend and his wife are expecting their first in April, and I will return just in time to participate in another friends wedding in August (pretty sure this wedding got pushed back a week to insure I could be there). At this point I wouldn't be surprised if someone decides to announce they're engaged to a significant other that hasn't even been mentioned to me yet. Clearly, the majority of my friends are at the marriage/baby making stage of their lives.
Then there is me... single, thirty, happy, living in Africa, with absolutely no clue as to what the heck I want to do with my life. The last things on my mind are marriage and babies. In fact, I'm happy to make it through a day having consumed something other than carbs... right now I seem to have slightly different priorities. I am not writing this to bash those who are married and having children. Far from it. In some ways I am very jealous of their lives as I'm sure in some ways they are jealous of mine. I have total and complete freedom, they have companionship. They're two completely different things, but both can make people completely happy. I suppose I'm at that weird stage in my life where a year or two ago it dawned on me that I could actually commit to the right person, have a marriage and a child or two. Had you asked me at the age of 25 how I felt about marriage, I probably would have laughed in your face (in fact I'm fairly certain I did this to an ex-boyfriend). The person I was at 25 is no where close to being the person I am today and I simply wasn't ready. Then all of a sudden you reach your late twenties and everything is different.
I have taken a lot of wisdom from my sisters, mother, and sister-in-law over the years. My sister-in-law made a very good point to me when I was still in nursing school. Your twenties are for figuring out who the heck you are. It's transitioning from school to work and realizing everything that is expected of you as an adult. It's writing that first rent check and getting your first real paycheck (and cursing taxes under your breath) and growing up. It's buying your first car, realizing that Dad paying your insurance really was a big deal in high school (if you were lucky like me), and that perhaps you were a little hasty in being so independent from your parents that you thought it was a good idea to get your own cell phone bill instead of sticking to that cheap family plan. There is a lot to figure out when you're a twenty-something... so why on earth would you ever want to get involved with someone else trying to figure out the same stuff? My sister-in-law doesn't tend to mince words and I love her for it. But she was right.
I am happy for those who had their stuff figured out before me... I certainly didn't (then again many of my friends are older than I). But, I don't understand people who aren't happy with themselves and depend on others for their happiness. My oldest sister made that point to me when I was still 18 and going through the turmoils of my first college relationship. And ever since then, I've made sure to compromise, but not compromise myself. It's been weird and disconnected living so far away from my family and friends. If I call some friends when I wake up, it's still the night before where they are... I'm watching the sunrise and they've barely just finished watching the sunset. It's strange.
There is no pause button in life. It keeps going whether you're present or not. I almost cried when I found out my niece got braces and I was the last to know the other week. Seriously?!? Seriously. But to quote one of my favorite books--Kiss My Tiara by Susan Jane Gilman, "My grandma said things like, 'Take a few lovers, travel the world, and don't take any crap.'" So that's what I'm going to do.
Lessons Learned (from family):
1) Dad: Work hard, but remember to take time for yourself. You can't give everyone everything. (Also a well formed argument will get you far in life).
2) Mom: Know your own values. Think about them and know them, because sometimes someone will phrase your same value in a different way that completely freaks you out, but instead of running away from this fear, realize that you actually agree.
3) Nora (oldest sister): Don't depend on anyone for your own happiness. Know how to make yourself happy so that when you're with someone it's twice as good.
4) Meredith (middle sister): Don't be anybody's back up, be their first choice.
5) Valeska (sister-in-law): Figure out yourself before trying to add anyone else to the equation and you will be much happier in life. Life is long, so don't sweat it.
6) Jeff (brother): Be yourself because you are awesome.
7) Rosina & Oona (nieces): Laugh and be silly at every opportunity you've got. It makes life way more fun.
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